Dissed by friends (and family)

For a long time, I've felt that I've been dissed by friends and sometimes family too. It's not unusual and it's not always their faults. I've not been an easy person for myself nor for people around me.

But I do feel as if I've been dissed too many times. (for my liking)

Some people, whom I think are my friends, never contact me, always make me take the steps of continuing friendship and although I often do this as I want to keep them as friends, I also feel slightly disappointed that it has to be so one-sided.

Other times, when I am thinking about how happy I am to see a person, who I think is a friend, and get told that I am not okay to be around, because I am too open about who I am.. "but okay, we can meet up, if you promise not to be yourself..." well that stings. Ouch. Needless to say, I don't meet that person. At all. Truth is, yes, I am open about who I am. But I'd never be open about who YOU are, in public or unwelcomed.

Friendships are hard, relationships are hard. I never know where I stand in either.. Am I important to you? Am I in the background-noise in your life? Am I someone you'd rather not spend any time with or on? Am I trust-worthy?

I should really sit back and just love the fact that I have any friends (and family) at all. People who keep showing me that yes, I am important and liked/loved the way I am. (I <3 you)

I should NOT sit and dwell over the way some people have made me feel in the past, or just last week, because if you - as a person - don't want to hang out with me, be with me, like me for who I am - then why should I spend my time thinking about YOU? (HELL YEAH!!!)

But yeah, I am only human and I do worry and stress and think about it. It makes me so sad. Unfortunately..

Here's a little help-me thing that maybe I should use and maybe you too!