Letting go

I've been thinking about this for weeks, months even. I've had some real close friends in my life, and I've lost more friends than I care to think about. A lot of times it's been my illness which has put a stop to friendship, but sometimes it's just been through more "normal" things. Distans for example - is a true friendship-killer. Specially when it's been mainly a one way thing. Distans can work, if both part do their thing to make it work. And then there are those special friendships that you'd die for, but who just can't be bothered returning a phone-call, or a msg' online, not once, not twice but each time you try. So perhaps it's time to realise that the friendship is only a one-way street. That it is (clearly) the time to let go, instead of getting hurt by the disinterest over and over again. I guess that I am at that point with someone that I've cared deeply about for many years. I am a nothing to them, and I have to stop thinking that I am something else, something good, in their life.

It's hard though, letting go of a dream of a life-time friendship. It's hard to let go of this one person. But the longer time goes, the more do I feel as if I've been bad, that every-time I try to speak to the person, I am in the way, or not on the map. But I need to let go now. I can build new friendships perhaps, when I am feeling better, when I can go out and about again, if that time every comes.

This person said; you get back what you put in to it. Well, this person puts in nothing, so I am from now on giving back the same. Zero.

Bye friend.

Ps. This friend doesn't read my blog, so this is not a dramatic way of making this person feel bad. <3 <3 <3