Love in life

Something that I miss in my life, and have missed out of a lot, and broken so many times, is love. Romantic love sure, but I am talking about friendships here.

I've had many friends in my life. Some good, some bad and some awesome. And I've managed to lose them all, one after the other. Some are still there, but I am in their periferi.

Some say that women can't keep friendships, that we break up with each other more than we break up with guys. Well for me that is true. (although yeah, romantic relationships, I don't want to get in to right now)

I have friends left from when I was a little girl. I always just assumed that they were the most important people in my life, and that I was equally important to them. But Yeah, I am not. And they are. It hurts me to know how little importance I have for the people around me.

I am also very bad at keeping up with people, and that's completely on me. I am a lousy friend actually. I am a much easier acquaintance. The closeness might not suit me? Maybe I am just a very shallow person, or a person that is hard to keep on loving or even to like.

Whatever I am, have been and will be. I am just me. Trying to find some safety in this world. I wish that I was important to people, and my biggest wish is that I would be THE most important person to someone. Whom I in turn wouldn't break up with.

Yeah, that's my biggest wish.

(also, so fucked of about how male friends just leave the moment they get a girlfriend. PISSED OFF)