Meanderings

I am feeling as if my life has no meaning. I am isolated, lonely, passive. I do pretty much nothing. I don't go outside apart from back and to the therapy with my mom driving the car. I don't speak to people for days on end, I don't see people more than once a week when I see my mom and the therapist, I don't do anything here at home. I haven't been on the treadmill for months. I get up, I sit in front of the computer, and then I go to bed again. That's my life.

I feel as if no one could/would value my life very high at all. I don't try to see people, so people don't try to see me. I think a lot, but the thoughts stay in my head as I haven't got people to share them with.

I don't want to write too much in my blog as I am scared of boring the people who do read it, if I write too much of my anxiety and hurt. But I feel that I need an outlet or I'll just die from it all.

I get jelous of people getting all the attention that I would like to have. It's pathetic I know it, but I see how some people just need to post one little thing on facebook or twitter or instagram and they get a million likes and comments, and it was about a tea-pot. You know? I am so envious at all people out there who have fun. Who go to functions and dinners and parties and who has someone to sit and watch the telly with. I envy you all. It's a fucked-up feeling. I don't wish my life on anyone, but I wish I could see some sort of light at the end of a very long tunnel, but seriously, I can't see any light at all. Just more darkness and solitude. I don't have the energy to do anything at all. I just don't want to be here. Or anywhere. Just.. fuck of marianne.