Therapy session number 7.

Therapy session number 7 was actually quite a few days ago now, but I've been reluctant to writing it down for some reason. Well, I do know the reason. The reason is: rats. So, I've been doing the easy things up until now; I've been spending a lot of time learning and watching videos and photos of various types of mice. So, a bit of a soft version of what I really fear. The rats. I got to get used to seeing the word written down, said out loud and just in general acknowledge that they do exist in this world. So, session 7 was all about rats. Maria (the therapist) read some texts out loud, facts on rats. First the wild ones. Then the tame ones.

On the paper about wild ones – we got to the part of their feeding, what do they eat. So, they eat nuts, fruits, seed, but also they have been known to eat on live animals such as pigs etc. Also they sometimes gnaw on humans while they're asleep. Yes, that's what it said. The facts on rats. They eat humans.

Maria only read that out once, but it was enough for me, who has had a very hard time sleeping and relaxing since.

They are a pest. Rats are not nice little cute animals like cats and dogs. No, rats are pests. Vermin. We do not want them in our houses, or around us.

And lets face it. I don't want to know that they exist in the same world as me. I am more fearful right now of them than ever before. Will this therapy ever work? I am so scared.

Another session tomorrow.

One thing though; after having been in seven sessions now, with Maria – I've learned to trust her. She will not push me to do something I am not ready for. She is Extremely Professional. She is amazing. I need to just sit back and let her do her work, because she knows what she is doing.

So, facts. Rats exist. All around us. In Sweden we only have one type; the brown rat.

I so wish that I could just disappear into the mist of relaxing medications such as Benzodiazepines but that would be cheating and completely detrimental to my therapy. So, no short-cuts for me. Just this. Life.